Love and Reminiscence
by Somnion
Summary: When her captain starts acting stranger than usual, Nanao decides to find out what's bothering him. The answer she sought appeared to have had a larger impact on her than she had thought. ShunsuixNanao. Spoiler Alert. Please read and review. T to be safe.


Written by: Somnion

Love and Reminiscence

Written by: Somnion

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

It was strange. It was not like Ise Nanao's captain, the flamboyant Kyouraku Shunsui of Eighth Company, to volunteer to lock up the division office after working hours. According to Nanao's opinion, this was completely unlike his normal behavior so she knew he was up to something. Normally, her first impulse would be to leave him be to his own affairs but he was acting a bit strange the entire morning and it did seem to bother her, given that he was usually very carefree and had a rather happy go-lucky attitude. Ise Nanao, being one of the most logical as well as most sensible of shinigamis knew better than to interfere into things that did not concern her but her captain's odd behavior had piqued her curiosity.

After all division members had left the building, Nanao remained, hiding in the shadows of her captain's office, all the while masking her spiritual presence. Being a master of the kido, she was adept at masking her spiritual presence, even better than some of the elites from Captain Soi Fong's unit. Minutes passed like hours as she waited in her hiding spot which was a small opening between two large cupboards in which she would usually file her captain's documents and papers. Finally, after what seemed to be hours, her captain entered the office. He did not seem to have noticed her as he walked on, making for a closed cupboard on the right side of his office. The infamous closed cupboard, as Nanao had nicknamed it, as it was never opened. It had been locked with exceptionally strong kido and even Nanao and could not find a means to open it. Her captain had held his position as captain for almost a hundred years before she had even joined the division and his skills, including kido, were exceptional. As she watched from her hiding spot, she saw her captain unlock the cupboard and to her surprise, she saw only picture frames. It was filled with picture frames with small plaques at the bottom with the name of the person who was in the photograph.

"You know, Nanao-chan, it is very unbecoming of a young woman to spy on other people," said her captain suddenly.

She was caught red handed. This was probably the worse thing that could have happened. Nanao should have known better. Her captain had more than a hundred years of experience as compared to her. She cursed her misjudgment for underestimating the man.

"Forgive my spying on you Captain," she said. "I was…"

"You don't have to always be so proper," said Shunsui as he waved his hand as if to tell her to forget about her little stunt. "Besides, it's always nice to have young girls spying on me now and then," he said with a smirk.

Nanao knew this wasn't his usual smirk. Something was different about it. It seemed to weary and old, showing her captain's age. There was something bothering him after all.

"How long did you know I was there?" she asked.

"Since this morning," he answered. "You didn't leave the office after all, did you?"

"If you knew Captain, why didn't you stop me?"

A lengthy pause of silence suddenly came over them, as Captain Kyouraku didn't answer. He seemed to be thinking of the right words to say. Finally he spoke.

"Because this is an important day for me as much as it is for you," he answered as he took out a frame from the cupboard.

"What do you mean?" she asked, more uncertain and nervous than ever. She couldn't understand her captain's behavior and now he was starting to play tricks with her.

"It's been a hundred years since that day, hasn't it?" he said with a weary smile.

Finally, Nanao realized what he was talking about. It was the first of the month. A hundred years since that faithful day she met her captain walking alone as she walked away from her former superior's room. It was a hundred years since they had lost the lieutenant captain Yadoumaru Lisa. As she looked at her captain's hand, a photograph of Lisa in a frame was held. As she looked into the open cupboard, she saw the photographs of all the members of her squad who had fell in battle. Now she knew the contents of the cupboard and the reason for her captain's strange behavior.

"I'm sorry Captain," she answered. "I didn't know you…"

"Now, now Nanao-chan," he said. "Don't look so upset, you'll make me sad too."

Yet, despite the fact that he was trying to console her, Nanao knew that he was even more grieved than she was. He walked up to her and took her hand. Looking into his sad eyes she felt her heart ache for it hurt her when she saw him this way. Slowly, he placed the photograph of Lisa into her hands.

"Here, why don't you borrow this for tonight," he said with a smile. "You were rather close with Lisa-chan after all."

As she accepted the photograph, she thanked her captain and made her way out. She knew that her captain wished to be alone for awhile, although he jokingly said otherwise. As she walked down the moonlit road, her eyes remained fixed on the lieutenant's photograph and memories soon began to flood in. Yadoumaru Lisa was everything Nanao had dreamed of being. She was her idol and she admired and respected her. Yet, she had never envied anyone as much as she did Lisa. Shunsui had never been able to forgive himself for letting Lisa leave that day and had always felt responsible for Lisa's loss. No other woman held as strong an importance in her captain's heart as Yadoumaru Lisa did. Nanao had always felt that she could never compete with someone like Lisa. The ache in her heart had become a familiar companion but it still hurt as strongly as the first time she felt them. A long sigh drew from her peach colored lips. Ever since the loss of the former lieutenant, it was Captain Kyouraku that had helped fill in the gap in her life. He watched over Nanao personally, even taking over the monthly reading sessions she used to have with Lisa. At first, she merely admired him and was grateful for his company, but as she got older, her feelings began to change and she found herself falling in love. The sting under her eyelids was beginning to become really painful as she held back the urge to weep over the futility of her harboring feelings for her captain.

"Is something the matter, Lieutenant Ise?" asked a familiar voice from behind her.

Turning around she was greeted with the familiar image of the fourth company's captain Unohana Retsu. A warm smile and sincere graced her face. Nanao held back her tears as she addressed her superior.

"Good evening, Captain Unohana," she greeted with a bow. "If I may ask, what are you doing out so late at night?"

"I could ask the same question of you," replied the older woman with a smile.

When Nanao said nothing, Captain Unohana placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and asked Nanao to have a cup of tea with her. It was a nice night and the moon was out, the best time for a cup of tea, according to Unohana. As much as Nanao wished to have some privacy, she felt that Captain Unohana was someone she could actually confide in. She had an aura of kindness and empathy that would usually see from a mother to her child. Before long, she was sitting on the veranda of Unohana's division lodgings with a glass of tea on a tray by her side.

"Well," said the captain as she sat down by the younger woman. "Is there something on your mind, Lieutenant Ise? You seem somewhat distracted."

"Please, Captain Unohana, I'm fine," she replied as she pushed her glasses up. As much as she wished to spill all the details of what was wrong to the woman, Nanao didn't know how.

"You're a poor liar, child," she said as she sipped on her tea, her eyes never leaving Nanao. "I'm here to help you."

"I'm not lying, really. Why do you think I'd lie about something like that?"

"Well," she said as she placed her cup down and counted her fingers. "First of all, you pushed your glasses up. When people lie they usually touch their nose slightly. Pushing your glasses helps you do that without drawing to much attention or making it so obvious. Secondly, you've been keeping eye contact with me almost the whole time we were talking. Either you find me appealing or you're trying to hide the fact you're lying by keeping constant eye contact. Thirdly, you look to me as though you're on the verge of tears."

Pulling away from Unohana's eye contact, Nanao looked blankly at the cup of tea that she held in her hand. She had been caught red handed, the second time this night. A weary sigh escaped her lips once again.

"Is it about Captain Kyouraku?" she asked softly.

"It's not only Captain Kyouraku," she said as she pulled out the photograph from the folds of her shihakusho.

"I see," replied Unohana as she glanced at the picture.

"Ever since that day, a hundred years ago,' said Nanao solemnly, "Captain Kyouraku had watched over me, doing his best to take over Lieutenant Yadoumaru place and to fill the gap she had left in our lives."

Memories began to race through her mind once more. The reading sessions every month, how he used to sneak in candy for her and the piggyback rides she used to get. A smile crept on her face when she remembered how told him she was too old for piggyback rides and how upset he was. Then came the memories of when she got older and used to steal glances of him when he was not looking, how she had tried to make chocolate for him when she heard of Valentine's day, the collection of birthday presents she was to shy or too stuck-up to give.

"There's so much to him that others never see. How he greets everyone with a smile regardless of who they are. He, well, he also worries about me… and it's not that I don't like it. And when he asks for my opinion, he gets a look on his face that he's so unsure of himself and then he looks at me for an answer…I guess somewhere along the way…" she continued, still finding the right words to say.

"Childish adoration blossomed into womanly feelings of love?" suggested Unohana with a smile.

"But for the Captain, it only seems like the only woman he cared for was Lieutenant Lisa," she said as her forehead fell on her knees, trying to hide the fact that she was holding back her tears. "Even now, no other woman has ever had a place in his heart as she did."

Nanao was not a woman that would cave-in to emotion but she was still a person and a woman. It was frustrating when the person you cared for and loved for so long would not look your way. Even though he flirted with her and teased her, she knew in her heart she was no more than a substitute for Lisa. No matter how many times she would give him an opportunity, he would always disappoint. The frustration, the longing and the futility of it all had finally begun to take a toll on her.

"That's not true at all," said Unohana as she laid her hand on Nanao's shoulder. "Shunsui may have been close to Lieutenant Lisa, but as long as I have known him, he has never been as close to any woman as he has to you."

"That's probably because he only sees me as a substitute for her."

"Shunsui may be a flirt but he would never substitute anyone like that. You should know this best of all, Lieutenant Ise."

"If that's so, why does he always treat me as he had always treated Lieutenant Yadoumaru? I have always given him opportunities, leaving myself off guard, but he always does something stupid instead or completely misreads it. Then when I finally try to move on, he does something that makes me fall for me him all over again. Why is he such a fool at times?"

"Shunsui is many things but a fool, he is not," said Unohana. "If you have been giving him chances, it's unlikely that he could have misread them. Shunsui is rather good at seeing things most people don't."

A possibility for the reason for her captain's behavior now dawned on her. A possibility that she had never thought of before since this conversation with Captain Unohana.

"You mean he has been ignoring my attempts on purpose?"

"It is possible," answered Unohana with a nod. "Knowing him, if he has been ignoring your feelings, he probably has reasons."

"But, why?" thought Nanao to herself. When uncertainty sets in, people always expect the worse case scenario. This was no different for Nanao. The worst was something she didn't want to think of, but if it was so, she wouldn't know what to do or how to handle it. It was too much for her.

"You know what you have to do now, don't you?" asked Unohana as she sipped her tea. "Go speak with him, tell him everything you just told me."

"But how can I…"

Captain Unohana smiled and took her hand. "Nanao," she said, addressing her by that name for the first time, "you are a strong, independent woman. You are proud and brave, but you still have your feminine sides. I know it seems scary to go ahead in love but I believe you're strong enough for this. Now finish up your tea, Shunsui needs to hear what you have to say."

Nanao left the forth division lodgings with a warmness in heart and a promise from Unohana Retsu that she could always come back if she needed anything. Walking down the lonely moonlit streets once again she made her back to her division's office hoping her captain would still be there. Reaching the office, she found it wasn't closed, a lamp was still burning. Taking a long breath, she made her way into the lit office. Shunsui must have noticed her because he hastily hid something in the folds of his haori. Nanao was too preoccupied with her own thoughts to notice it though. She knocked as she entered the room. A sake jug lay near his table along with a few cups. Only one was filled with wine.

"Captain…" she called.

"Oh Nanao-chan, I figured you had already gone back to your quarters," he said. "Did your heart call you come back to keep me company?"

Even in a time when it should be a solemn occasion, he still had time to flirt with her. He wasn't too far off from his guess either. When she didn't answer, Shunsui got up, sake jug in his hand.

"You did come back, I'm so happy. Oh Nanao-chan I feel so close to you now."

As he said that, he bounced over to her in his usual care-free mood. Nanao knew he was only acting and was trying to get her to act normally as she would. It would have probably worked too, but the article which Shunsui had hidden in his haori slipped out and fell in front of Nanao. Picking it up, she saw the cover of an erotic manga. She gave him a look before she opened it to inspect it.

"Well, now," said Shunsui rather awkwardly. "I guess Matsumoto-chan must have left that here while she dropped by this morning. I was holding it for her and…"

"It's not your fault, Captain," replied Nanao before he finished, showing him the name written at the back of the cover which read Yadoumaru Lisa. A hundred years had passed and he still could not forget nor forgive himself. Nanao's determination began to waver as she, once again, was confronted with her 'rival'.

"Not this time," she thought. "It is going to be different this time." She was not going give up this time. She knew what she had to do. She drew a long breath before she continued.

"The loss of Lieutenant Yadoumaru wasn't your fault. I know she would never have pinned the blame on you if she were here. She knew the risks, Captain. Just as I knew the risks when I helped you and Captain Ukitake destroy the Sougyouku."

Nanao looked away for awhile before she drew another long breath. Captain Kyouraku eyes never left her. He knew she had more to say and had a feeling it was going to be something he had avoided for a very long time.

"Captain, since that day a hundred years ago, you have been very kind to me and I am grateful beyond measure," she said nervously, her voice shaking. "You cared for me…and I wanted to let you…know I…care for you to. The thing is…I…I want to be more than just your lieutenant."

Nanao felt like hitting herself in the head. Her confession sounded like something from a badly written script, her role played by an amateur performer. She wondered if she was always going to be so verbally inept when it came to expressing her feelings. She finally looked him in the eye after a few seconds of staring at the floor. She looked at him and when she got no reply she knew that he had been aware of her feelings long before.

"But, you already, knew didn't you?" she asked finally.

"Yea," he said after some time.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked softly, in a disheartened tone.

"I really did want to, believe me. However, it would have made no difference if I did," was his answer. "The clan would never have accepted it."

"The clan…"

"The Kyouraku are a noble clan, much like the Kuchiki," he explained. "They believe, in order to retain the purity of the bloodline, one would have to marry only to those of noble blood. That is why the Kuchiki were so upset about the marriage between Byakuya and Hisana. And by being born into a noble clan, I am not exempt to that rule."

"I see," said Nanao softly. She dropped her head to hide her eyes. "I guess the clan always takes precedence over other matters."

"Nanao-chan," he said to her gently with a soft smile. "I'm sorry you had to hear it this way. It's not that you are less important than the clan. The reason is because you are important to me than the clan is why I cannot return your feelings. If I were the only one who would have to suffer the consequences for disobeying the clan it would be fine. But by returning your feelings, you would be subject to their anger as well. That is something I would not wish for anyone, especially you."

For awhile, Nanao was silent. Her captain was correct, as usual. The noble families would have never accepted her. But she was not going to back down easily. Not today. She had always hated her inability to be completely honest with him and about her feelings. Today, she was not going to let a first rejection stop her.

"Captain," she said after a pause, "when you decided to destroy the Sougyouku, I followed you without question. Please, Captain, trust me and let me make my decision as you let me that time."

Silence passed and not a word was said. The tension was so thick; you could cut it with a knife. What was once a cool night had suddenly become very warm in the room they sat. When he didn't answer Nanao knew his answer. He was stubborn that way and it would be pointless to try to change his mind once it has been set. Finally, Nanao stood up.

"You're always like that. No matter what I say, you always do as you please. Somehow …I always liked that about you Captain. But I understand, Captain Kyouraku. I shall take my leave," she said. She bowed and made her way from the door.

"Nanao-chan…"

She turned and a small smile graced her face. "Please don't be upset, Captain. I'll be fine. Anyway, tomorrow you have captain's meeting so don't be late."

She left the office, closing the door behind her and walked home. She did her very best to act as though the rejection did not affect her so much in order to prevent her captain from worry. At first she walked in small steps as she left the office, but they gradually began to increase in the speed of their pace. By then time she reached her division lodgings, she was running like she was being chased. Opening the door and locking it behind her, she finally let them fall. Even at Unohana's division's lodge she was able to stop them, but now she didn't care. It didn't matter anymore, the pain she felt was greater than any wound before. She tried to console herself that he was doing it for her, but it didn't change the fact that her feelings would never be returned. Falling to her knees, she remained behind her door and wept. Seconds, minutes, hours had passed since she came back. How long she had cried she couldn't remember. This was the first in a long time and she just let it all go. After she was done, she picked herself and walked to her bed, the pain still aching in her chest, a constant reminder of her rejection. She then noticed the window was opened and she knew she had closed it before leaving her quarters this morning. She then noticed a letter on top of her pillow with single rose lying on top of it. She didn't need to think who it was from; she already knew who the sender was. Only one person would do something this hopelessly romantic. She opened the letter and read the words. A small chuckle and a smile graced her lips as she read it.

_My lovely Nanao-chan,_

_I have left to speak with the elders of my clan about you. Please tell Old Yama I can't make it for the Captain's meeting. I know he will be angry and I'd probably get scolded again but I have something a little more important to handle. Wait for me, my lovely Nanao-chan, I will surely return. Just as I said to you, you are more important to me than the clan itself, and to that end I will defy the clan if I must. Take my love my sweet Nanao-chan, so that it will keep you warm this night. I will return as soon as the fates allow it._

_With love,_

_Kyouraku Shunsui_


End file.
